I want to share something, earlier on today I was commenting on `PainInTheAssimilated journal, lots of people were sharing their experiences, it was heartwarming and terrible to read.
I shared mine so I think I should let you all read it, beware its not a pretty story and I have left a few bits out that I just couldn't type out because it hurt me too much to think about
"I think that all of my experiences have shaped who I am today, so here come the life story
when I was 8 my parents split and it was a horrible split I remember sitting on the stairs crying every night because I was terrified of what was happening, shouting and swearings and hitting each other sometimes my mum moved out with my eventually but my dad moved to spain before settling in france.
he gave me a gift before he left which was pretty much a going away gift, after that I pretty much rarely saw him, I visited him sometimes but he became a figment of my imagination.
the next giant thing to happen in my life was moving to wales when I was 11, me mum and her newest boyfriend moved there for a fresh start but it was anything but fresh, I was bullied to the extreme at school for being english and not welsh, kids pushed me into the road, punched me and threw things at me and home wasnt any better, people in our neighbourhood threw things at our home, we were shouted at in the street and abuse hurled at us, the final straw was when our family car was sent alite while we were asleep, during this mum and her new boyfriend had split. we returned to england scared out of our lifes and wishing we had never moved, me and mum moved into a friends home and they put us up for a month, before the council told us to get and shoved us in a bedsit as we were homeless. the bedsit was disgusting, there were rats and the place was covered in damp and it was horrible, we had only a tiny fridge and kettle and 2 beds in our room.
monthly later the council finally gave us a flat of our very own.
despite many other block in our journey there is only one other event that I can say truly changed me for the better. my mum had a heart operation. I have always known my mum had a heart condition its called Ebstein's anomaly
Ebstein's anomaly is a rare heart defect in which parts of the tricuspid valve are abnormal. The tricuspid valve separates the right lower heart chamber (right ventricle) from the right upper heart chamber (right atrium).
The condition is congenital, which means it is present from birth.
The tricuspid valve is normally made of three parts, called leaflets or flaps. The leaflets open to allow blood to move from the right atrium (top chamber) to the right ventricle (bottom chamber) while the heart relaxes. They close to prevent blood from moving from the right ventricle to the right atrium while the heart pumps.
In persons with Ebstein's anomaly, the leaflets are unusually deep in the right ventricle. The leaflets are often larger than normal. The defect usually causes the valve to work poorly, and blood may go the wrong way back into the right atrium. The backup of blood flow can lead to heart swelling and fluid buildup in the lungs or liver. Sometimes, blood can't get out of the heart into the lungs and the person may appear blue.
mum always took tablets to help it but it was getter worse and worse her valve was leaking a lot of blood and she was becoming more and more out of breath as time went on, it was seriosuly terrifying to watch, she had been waiting for an operation for years but finally she got one, her name had slipped off of the list twice, I have never been so scared in my life.
I remember going into the hospital with her and thinking to myself is this the last time I will ever see her alive, my mum is my world and she's always been there when no one has.
I just couldnt imagine life without her, her boyfriend a different one this time, lied to me and told me she was probably going to die on the table he took advantage of my emotional state and threatened me while she was in hospital, waiting for her operation, stealing our dog and taking my mums bank cards and money, we eventually got it back but he reduced me to a panic attack while he did this, I couldnt breathe and felt like I had lost everything, a friend took me in that night and soothed me. the next day after the op I saw my mum and felt like my world was restored, to me you have to live everyday as it was your last, because you never know what might happen.
everyone has bad experiences its a part of life but you need to grow with them, I saw my dad for the first time in 7 years at his fathers and my grandads funeral and althought I hated him I needed to forgive because I don't know whats going to happen tomorrow, tomorrow I could die, tomorrow is the next adventure.
wow that felt good to let it all out"
here is the journal
[link] and what started it [link]